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© Pricilla Vashte

Hidden Footprints

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Afraid To Fall

Well its December , that last month of the year .  Everyone's getting into the Christmas spirit while I'm busy studying for final , splendid aint it ? Anyways , I had my fair share of fun this semester , I got to do something that I never thought i'd do in a million years . Indulge the spotlight .

As far as I know , im not the kind of girl that would be comfortable up on stage . I get anxiety attacks . I grew up with a low self-esteem , all my life , i never thought i would be capable of achieving anything in life , well atleast that's what i was told . I grew up a loner , i'd find it hard to speak up in a group of 5 . I somehow always thought i was never good enough to be around people , or not good looking enough to be seen out with a bunch of people . I was very self conscious . I know , as bogus as that may sound its true .

As time passed , I learned to bury this negativity , and boost my confidence with words of wisdom . I admit there are time where I feel insecure , but i don't show it . Having faith in yourself goes a long way ;)

A month back , I auditioned for School Of Business Studies , prom finalist . I sang sunday morning by maroon 5 . To my surprise , i got it . We had countless hours of practice , 5pm - 9pm . 3 days a week . It was pretty crazy cause I had to fit this in my daily schedule which was already "folle" ( it means crazy in french ) . We had runway practice , dance practice and pair performance . To sum everything up , it was such an awesome experience . I should add , I was lucky enough to mingle with rest of the finalist , and let me tell you , not only they are blessed with good looks , they have an awesome personality to go with . Prom was on 28th November 2011 , and let me tell you it was the best night of my existence ( yes i quoted edward cullen ) . Well no , I did not get my wish to slow dance with a guy , maybe next year . But I had an awesome time on stage , well I have never , let me make it clearer . i have NEVER performed in front of people , the only place i use to "perform" in , was my room , and my dog was only spectator . Imagine the chills I got when I got up on stage , I literally forgot how to hold a guitar . Well I managed to catch my breath and start . Later on we danced , ran up got changed into our formal wear , and came down for the catwalk . It felt amazing . I swear i'll never forget this day .

After they crowned the prom queen and king , we were free to enjoy the night . As everybody dashed up to either changed or pack , I just sat there , and had a moment . I watched everyone , as lovers gazed into each other's eye as they slow danced , and the rest just swayed to the music . You could feel the love in the air . I chuckled as walked out of the hall . Upstairs we had a little photo shoot session among the performers and friends .  Well a picture does speak a thousand words , I was lucky enough to meet a couple of really talented performers . I packed my things , took off my heels , strapped on my converse , and got to the dance floor , Believe when I say , we had some wild dancing going on ;) . As nothing last forever , the night came to an end and we departed ways ,  parting is such sweet sorrow

I sit here , reminiscing about that astounding night , and hopefully there'll be more to come in future

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

First Love .

Its been 6 months , since he vanished , without a trace . The last i heard from him was deepavali night , even though what he sent me wasn't very eye catching , the fact i came to mind , made me smile , its funny how im chasing him like a dog . and I don't think he even remembers my name anymore .

I wish he'd listen to me , i wish , he'd pick up that phone and call . All i ask is for a chance , I don't even know what i did wrong to be ignored like this . I don't want to scare him away , but he makes me miss him so much , it hurts , a part of me inside dies every single day . To know my first love , has left for a better life i guess .

If only he'd give me a chance to prove myself , i guess that's too much to ask for , after all im nobody :) the things you've said to me , play in the back of my mind , it hurts , this point even "twitter" is a living hell , cause i'd see stuff that eat me up inside ,  it stings , but i'll take it , cause if that's how im going to get your attention , i don't mind . I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all .

I remember , everything like it was just yesterday , the things you said , the way you say my name , the way you called me beautiful , like no one else , you were something special . It was suppose to be us against the world . Losing my friends wasn't an option , seeing me lay in bed all day sobbing wasn't a good sight either . I dont get it , why am i so upset , so broken up about a guy i've never even met , and you weren't even mine to begin with . ? Even after everything , i still love you the way you are , i'll love you till im incapable of loving anyone I know somewhere down this road , im going to lose every inch of myself , the instability , the heartache . Will drain my emotions dry . One day , i will lose heart . Thats the day i'll look back , knowing im done . done deed and its time to move on .,

all i want is for you to come back , im waiting here with open arms . i wish i could tell you this . All i can do now is wish .

Now that Christmas is coming up , you know how everyone gets a wish for Christmas , as cliche as this may sound , i would like to hear your voice , just once  , i wanna tell you how much i love you , after that , even if you wanna get mad at me , i'll take it :)



i hope someday in the distant future , we'll meet , and exchange smiles no hate , knowing we had something , something special , i'd look at you , knowing you're my first , love and no one can change that .

If dreams were true , then where are you ?

Formspring Question

Q ; Do you date other races and religions ? What do you look for in a girl/guy ? - Anonymous 
( I found this question rather interesting , so i just had to post it here)

A : Well , lets just say race , was never an issue , when it came to relationships . wheres religion is a different story , well i would date any race , it doesn't matter actually  ,like i only date one race , nopes i don't believe in that , im pretty open to people , anyone , as long the feeling is mutual . I never had a specific type either , like he must look a certain way or dress a certain way   :)

As for what I look for ? PERSONALITY PERSONALITY PERSONALITY . Someone who just accept me for who I am , I talk alot , and well if that does not scare him off , then i just might :) ....  Bubbly , friendly , open to idea's . I really dont like those snobbish kind's . I'd rather have him talk the whole day , than just sitting there , awkward silence . Well im pretty over the whole , oh he must look this way or that way , as you grow , you realize that , there are more things to life than just looking good ;) As long he's decent , its fine with me :)

Well im not saying its wrong to appreciate appearance , but sometimes its the inner beuty that makes everything a whole lot better :) 

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Broken Hearts and Stolen Kisses

The wild wind blows , as she sits there , wondering where did she go wrong . What did she do to deserve such bitterness . Standing on the edge , contemplating between life and death . She never had the strength to take the leap , cause deep down she knew these feelings were temporary , and after a downpour there's always a rainbow

With that being said ...

I've been soul searching these past few months . Looking deep down , finding somewhere I belong . I've not been a relationship for almost a year and 8 months now . I needed some space , some time to think . See where I've gone wrong , and why it don't last . I needed sometime with close friends as well . Most of all , i needed some time for myself . 

Time is everything , they say , it even heals . I personally somehow discord that theory , time does not heal , it only helps you to forget . However , the healing process starts when you decide to forgive . Unfortunately , nothing heals a 100% , there's always the scab or a wound left , . It may sound like its a bad thing a first , hey look on the brighter side , take that as a friendly reminder to avoid repeating the same mistake over and over again .

And I've also learned that things don't always go how you want to . Sometimes , we should just let life take its course , rather planning every step . As disappointing as that sounds , there's some good in it . Well I will just have to wait and see , where this takes me . I know someday i'd meet someone who takes my breathe away , till then , im chasing pavements .

Life is full of surprises , all you need to do is open up your heart , eye's and mind , embrace its beauty . Things happen when you least expect them to .

I'll leave with that


Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Inevitable

College has got its hold on everyone, even me. I barely have time to breathe, piled up with assignments, and projects. Not to mention exams. Currently I'm on semester break; I resume classes on 19th September. So what have I been doing so far?

I was in Pangkor for 4 amazing days , it was beautiful , lying down on the shore  , watching the sunset , the cold breeze through my hair , tingling feeling when the icy cold water of the sea kisses the tip of my toes , I was in euphoria . I have never been so peaceful, it was nice to run away from the hectic life here in Kuala Lumpur.
We got home on a Sunday, 3 days later, as a family, with my relatives, we headed over to a not-so-fancy place, Port Dickson. It wouldn't be my first choice for a holiday, but it'll do.

As we all know legendary 70's rock band Whitesnake will be coming down to Malaysia.  David Coverdale from Deep Purple formed Whitesnake back in 1978, with guitarist Doug Aldrich who joined the banned in 2002. Doug has worked with Dio and he also auditioned for KISS but failed to get the part. Coverdale Aldrich and the rest of the band are set to rock Malaysia on the 30th October 2011 at Stadium Negara . In conjunction of their new release "Forevermore" .


And ... I got my tickets , yes I'm extremely excited . I will be rocking at PS4 , do join me :)

"You have to forget about what other people say, when you're supposed to die, or when you're supposed to love. You have to forget about all these things. You have to go on and be crazy. Craziness is like heaven." — Jimi Hendrix

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Memorable 18

So this year , I kinda expected my birthday to be pretty much dull and boring , since everyone was so caught up with college and new relationships . Little did I know , that my friends had something planned . Let me give you a low down on what went on . I had 3 birthdays , and 4 cakes .\

May 26 , 2011 .
My facebook wall was flooded with birthday wishes , from everyone . Which meant , my blackberry went nuts . It kept notifying me every few seconds .
First class , was Microeconomics , I may have forgotten to do her work , hence i was punished . Yes , punished on my birthday . As usual someone had to let the tutor know it was my birthday , standing right infront the class pretty much stoned , while everyone was singing the traditional "happy birthday" song .

On that day , my high school bff , lavanya she decided to take me out for a movie and dinner . Even though we live nearby i've not seen her in months ! Its been some time since i've seen ryan as well . Those two somehow remind me of marshal and lily from how I met your mother . Back to where I was , ah yes movie. We headed over to the nearest mall , we caught Pirates Of The Caribbean 4 . and had subway for dinner . We rushed home , cause my dad wanted us home . As soon as I got home , we headed to our room . She was acting a little fishy , when we got home , she kept saying "let's go down pris" . I ignored her , till my mum called , saying my dad wants to see me . As usual , he was the last to wish me . As I turn around , there was a cake . It definitely caught me by surprise , I was speechless , I was close to tears . I played it cool though , parents were around . I came to know that lavanya had planned everything with my mum . And I swear the brownies were delicious !

If you see this , Thank you baby girl , meant alot to me , words cant express how I felt that night ! You'll always be my drunk sister ! xo


27th May , 2011

Our home-fellowship had a gathering , so mum baked cupcakes ,  and that was my second celebration . I got to spend time with my babes , kris and clare . Later on , we had to attend CG , we split from the adults and headed out . As soon we got there , we had our usual discussions . When it was time to grab a bite , I was surprised with a cake . This time I was so shocked they had to shake me a little . It was so unexpected . Had a good night .

Thank you guys !

28th May 2011
I baked cheese cake :D although it came out in a weird shape , it was good ;) . Got together with relatives for dinner . So that makes 4 .

I had a good 18th birthday , A huge thank you to those who made it happened . You'll be remembered , and this day goes down in history .


This year has been amazing , miracles happen when you least expect them

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Have you heard ?

It amazes me how time flies , once so young and in love , curious with the things out there , experimenting on relationships and now we're off to College . Ah college , something I personally have been looking foward to all my life , even though i didn't get the college I wanted , where I ended up aint that bad as well , I think . Lets just put it this way ,"God has he's plan's" , He has his reason's , lets not question Him . 

The past month , my dad got me a job at that very college , he called it , "warm-up session" so that I dont freak out when I actually start classes . I think I was paid fairy good for my job , after all , I didnt have to work like a horse . All I had to do was , announce the daily activities , for the college's open day . I was given my own personal room with a PA system and internet connection was provided as well . You know how I'd always wanted my voice to be heard ? I got my wish , I was given a Mic , best part is , nobody knew who is making the announcements , so I was like the unknown mysterious voice , or as many said  "the lrt voice" all you can hear is a female voice . I had to work 7 days a week , So that mean i had to miss church on sundays . I was pretty frustrated with that , but I had no choice . So I spent my march working . If you ask me , how was my working experience , I would say , my first time was pretty good , met new friends , got to know old friends better , and I got rid of my fear of talking out loud . 

Coming to recent happenings , 1 April , my grand-aunt passed away , death is something you cant avoid . Everything went on well , 1 May , will be her memorial , and my uncle eddie , has planned for us cousin to do a little performance on the day . First , I was suppose to play the guitar , and the rest were going to sing , later on , things came up (Shit Happens) , I had no choice but to pass the guitar on to Roy , So later in the evening , about 5pm , we're having a rehearsal at my place and Im suppose to lead the singing , everyone knows I dont sing , but times like this I cant whine around . As my dad always say "Be the best in whatever you do , dont let others tell you , you cant do something , and never say you dont , always try " . So Im just going to give it my all .

As for college , I start May 3rd . Im doing my dip. in Human Resources Management . Call me egoistic , but I have a goal that I need to achieve , by the age of 25 , I should have my masters in HRM . Studies is a huge thing for me now . Im going to let you in a little secret , Education is my only ticket out of this country , and I really want to head out . & I believe I will one day . Until then I just have to play my role . 

As for now , these two weeks , wondering what have I been up to ? one word , 7 letters , NOTHING ! i head to bed about 6am and wake up 2 in the afternoon . What do I do all night ? Skype ( reconnecting with old friends ) , catching up on movies I've missed , Criminal Minds marathon . etc. So far in 4 days , I've watched 25 chick flicks . and 2 seasons of Criminal Minds . Im living the life baby !

How about my relationship status ? 
You Say Single
I Say AWESOME

Honestly , Im happy the way I am , for the first time , I dont feel the need to be in a relationship even though I see happy couples

When you find other things that are more important in life , the little things doesnt seem to matter anymore
Till Next Time , XO

Friday, January 21, 2011

Dreams and Reality

IN THIS PATH OF EXISTENCE, we don’t know what the questions are. And if we don’t know what the questions are, how are we going to find the answers? There is a clue, though: Walk on this path of existence with eyes wide open. You don’t know where the answers will come from. You don’t know when they will come. You don’t know what they will be like. And you don’t even know if you had a question that the answer belongs to.now here’s a question people hardly ask


Who are you?
What are you?
What is it all about?

Well, here you are. Congratulations. It’s incredible that
you are, because at one point you weren’t. And one day,
you won’t be. But now, you are alive. And all your dramas,
all your ideas, all the things you like and don’t like, all the
things that happen that you judge your life by are but a
dream. Just a dream.

Dreams are not to be taken lightly. I’m sure you’ve had
dreams where you woke up with your heart pounding,
“Oh, my God!” But they are still dreams.

And in the middle of these dreams, there is a reality that
is so beautiful, so amazing, so incredible. There’s a place
where you can truly be awake, and it’s very beautiful.
In that awakening, there is no judgment. There are no
issues of good and bad, no issues of right and wrong. In
that awakening, you are not being judged. There are no
yardsticks, and there are no races. Nobody is standing there
with a checkered flag saying, “You won” or “You lost.”
Nothing of that kind. Nothing.

There is just a beautiful reality that you are alive. That you
have the ability to understand. That you have the ability to
know. That you have the ability to admire.

YOUR QUALITIES

Look at your day. Living in this world, which of your
qualities get used every single day? Let me backtrack a little
bit. What are your qualities?

You have the ability to get angry. And you have the ability
to be calm. You have the ability to be in turmoil. And
you have the ability to be in peace. These are all qualities
you have. Which ones do you use the most in your life?
Frustration? Anger? Disappointment? These are qualities
that we use a lot.

Once in a while, under very special circumstances, you
actually find yourself happy. And when you are happy, it
is a big deal. You will talk about it and remember it and
think about it for years to come. And when you get older,
your short-term memory goes bye-bye, and what you will
be left with are these little segments of long-term memory:
“I remember when I was there. And, oh, that was so
beautiful.”

That’s what this whole business of digital photography is
about. Little cameras. Cameras on the phone so you can
capture a moment that was just wonderful and remember
it again and again because those moments are so few and
far between.


there is another door , the door to you , I offer help to open that door I call it Knowledge, a very practical way to be able to go within and feel the feeling that is inside

You have some other qualities as well. You are able to
appreciate this existence, to truly be happy. Happy as in
timeless. Camera not needed. Special circumstances not
required. You can just be happy. You can be in the joy that
springs from your heart every single day.

People are trying to understand their mind. They have
been trying to do that for an extremely long time. And they
never will because the mind is always one step ahead. Make
no mistake about who’s the leader and who’s the follower.
Mind leads, you follow. Even when the mind comes along
and says, “Conquer me,” and you say, “Okay,” it’s like a
dog trying to pull on its leash without getting ahead of its
master.


PLASTIC GARDEN

People write books — trying to understand. They say
beautiful things, but it doesn’t change anything. It’s like
having a garden that looks spectacular from a distance, but
on close examination, every flower is made out of paper
and every tree out of plastic. Now, there are advantages
to this garden. You never have to water it. All the grass is
Astroturf, so you don’t ever have to cut it. It looks the same
forever.

The disadvantage? Flowers don’t bloom; spring never comes.
Birds have no business being there. Bees never fly around
in it. No nectar is collected. And no flower has a beautiful
aroma. The trees do not sway in the wind, and even though
it all looks pretty, it is static — static as in dead.

That is why it is so important to
have a living experience. Living.
Breathing. Existing. Feeling.
Thinking. Understanding. Knowing.
That’s what’s real.

We get used to being frustrated. We
get used to being angry and upset. We
get used to living in ignorance. And 99
percent of people accommodate and
facilitate this. “Don’t worry about it;
it’s okay.” What is okay? Is being lost
okay? Is ignoring my own nature
okay? Is being away from myself
okay? Is not recognizing myself
okay? And people will say, “That’s
life. Good times happen; bad times
happen. It’s all okay.”

That’s why every one of us needs
clarity so desperately. We need to
understand that an effort needs to be made
every single day to be clear, to understand, to accept. To
see and to feel what you and I have been given. From the
heart. From the very basic being in each of us.

HOPE AND MEMORY

You have learned a lot of things. As you progress in your
life, invariably a time will come when most of what you
know will have little bearing. Maybe all your life you were



a pilot, and one day you go to a doctor and he says, “You
can’t see; you can’t hear — you shouldn’t fly!” Maybe you
were an artist all your life. The time will come when your
hand will shake too much to hold the brush. Maybe you
drove trucks all your life. The time will come when it
will be hard to climb up that step that you have climbed
thousands of times before without thinking twice.

Know that a time will come when all of that will slowly
fade away. When that happens, what will remain? You will
remain. And you will still be able to experience. But all
those things that you experienced before will no longer plug
into the same socket. The socket has changed.

Do you know that this erosion, if you want to call it that, is
afoot every second you are alive? It happens so slowly that
you don’t notice it, but it’s afoot. Everything is forging on.
Every day, every second, it marches on.

Is that good news? Is that bad news? Wait a minute. Don’t
go there. It’s all good news because you are alive. And until
the day you are no longer alive, it is good news because you
can go inside and feel joy. That’s what makes it good news.

THERE’S ANOTHER DOOR

All your life you have seen two doors. The door you came
through the day you were born is the first door. The door
that you’ll go through when you leave is the second door.
And everything is being measured between those two doors.

But there is another door. And that door is the door to you.
It’s pointless to measure things against those other two doors
because there’s nothing you can do about them. You cannot
do anything about the fact that you were born. You were
born. That’s it. Your life has started. And one day, you will
get close enough to the other door, and you will be gone.
One swing, voom, voom. You don’t have to push it. It’s totally
automated. As soon as you arrive — elegantly, inelegantly — it
opens up, and everybody says, “What happened?”

But there’s another door. And maybe you don’t realize this,
but every opportunity that your heart gets, it knocks on
this door. So, open up. Feel, see, understand, realize, know.
Be in that joy, be in that feeling every moment. That’s true
wisdom. That’s true understanding.

I offer help to open that door to you. I call it Knowledge,
a very practical way to be able to go within and feel the
feeling that is inside. I give four techniques to those who
want that Knowledge. There’s a very simple process of
preparing for it, and then you will have that possibility to
go inside and feel that feeling.

There are people in prison who have received this
Knowledge, and it works for them. There are people who
have received it who have gone to war, and in the middle
of the war, they have been able to experience the joy that
is inside of them.

What I am talking about is within you. Always was; always will be.

I’m not saying, “Take the techniques I offer you; otherwise, you will suffer.” I am saying, “You can have that experience if you want to.”

Knowledge is like a lamp. Whenever it is dark, you can light it, and there will be no more darkness. It doesn’t matter how dark it gets. And there is no storm that can put out this lamp if you know how to light it.

The point of Knowledge is not that darkness can never come. Darkness will come. But you don’t have to be
affected. Knowledge is the know-how to be in that joy, to be in that clarity, whatever is happening.


in the middle of your dreams there is a reality a place where you can truly be awake with no judgment no issues of good and bad or right and wrong just a beautiful reality that you are alive

By Prem Rawat