Afraid To Fall

Well its December , that last month of the year .  Everyone's getting into the Christmas spirit while I'm busy studying for final , splendid aint it ? Anyways , I had my fair share of fun this semester , I got to do something that I never thought i'd do in a million years . Indulge the spotlight .

As far as I know , im not the kind of girl that would be comfortable up on stage . I get anxiety attacks . I grew up with a low self-esteem , all my life , i never thought i would be capable of achieving anything in life , well atleast that's what i was told . I grew up a loner , i'd find it hard to speak up in a group of 5 . I somehow always thought i was never good enough to be around people , or not good looking enough to be seen out with a bunch of people . I was very self conscious . I know , as bogus as that may sound its true .

As time passed , I learned to bury this negativity , and boost my confidence with words of wisdom . I admit there are time where I feel insecure , but i don't show it . Having faith in yourself goes a long way ;)

A month back , I auditioned for School Of Business Studies , prom finalist . I sang sunday morning by maroon 5 . To my surprise , i got it . We had countless hours of practice , 5pm - 9pm . 3 days a week . It was pretty crazy cause I had to fit this in my daily schedule which was already "folle" ( it means crazy in french ) . We had runway practice , dance practice and pair performance . To sum everything up , it was such an awesome experience . I should add , I was lucky enough to mingle with rest of the finalist , and let me tell you , not only they are blessed with good looks , they have an awesome personality to go with . Prom was on 28th November 2011 , and let me tell you it was the best night of my existence ( yes i quoted edward cullen ) . Well no , I did not get my wish to slow dance with a guy , maybe next year . But I had an awesome time on stage , well I have never , let me make it clearer . i have NEVER performed in front of people , the only place i use to "perform" in , was my room , and my dog was only spectator . Imagine the chills I got when I got up on stage , I literally forgot how to hold a guitar . Well I managed to catch my breath and start . Later on we danced , ran up got changed into our formal wear , and came down for the catwalk . It felt amazing . I swear i'll never forget this day .

After they crowned the prom queen and king , we were free to enjoy the night . As everybody dashed up to either changed or pack , I just sat there , and had a moment . I watched everyone , as lovers gazed into each other's eye as they slow danced , and the rest just swayed to the music . You could feel the love in the air . I chuckled as walked out of the hall . Upstairs we had a little photo shoot session among the performers and friends .  Well a picture does speak a thousand words , I was lucky enough to meet a couple of really talented performers . I packed my things , took off my heels , strapped on my converse , and got to the dance floor , Believe when I say , we had some wild dancing going on ;) . As nothing last forever , the night came to an end and we departed ways ,  parting is such sweet sorrow

I sit here , reminiscing about that astounding night , and hopefully there'll be more to come in future

First Love .

Its been 6 months , since he vanished , without a trace . The last i heard from him was deepavali night , even though what he sent me wasn't very eye catching , the fact i came to mind , made me smile , its funny how im chasing him like a dog . and I don't think he even remembers my name anymore .

I wish he'd listen to me , i wish , he'd pick up that phone and call . All i ask is for a chance , I don't even know what i did wrong to be ignored like this . I don't want to scare him away , but he makes me miss him so much , it hurts , a part of me inside dies every single day . To know my first love , has left for a better life i guess .

If only he'd give me a chance to prove myself , i guess that's too much to ask for , after all im nobody :) the things you've said to me , play in the back of my mind , it hurts , this point even "twitter" is a living hell , cause i'd see stuff that eat me up inside ,  it stings , but i'll take it , cause if that's how im going to get your attention , i don't mind . I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all .

I remember , everything like it was just yesterday , the things you said , the way you say my name , the way you called me beautiful , like no one else , you were something special . It was suppose to be us against the world . Losing my friends wasn't an option , seeing me lay in bed all day sobbing wasn't a good sight either . I dont get it , why am i so upset , so broken up about a guy i've never even met , and you weren't even mine to begin with . ? Even after everything , i still love you the way you are , i'll love you till im incapable of loving anyone I know somewhere down this road , im going to lose every inch of myself , the instability , the heartache . Will drain my emotions dry . One day , i will lose heart . Thats the day i'll look back , knowing im done . done deed and its time to move on .,

all i want is for you to come back , im waiting here with open arms . i wish i could tell you this . All i can do now is wish .

Now that Christmas is coming up , you know how everyone gets a wish for Christmas , as cliche as this may sound , i would like to hear your voice , just once  , i wanna tell you how much i love you , after that , even if you wanna get mad at me , i'll take it :)



i hope someday in the distant future , we'll meet , and exchange smiles no hate , knowing we had something , something special , i'd look at you , knowing you're my first , love and no one can change that .

If dreams were true , then where are you ?

Formspring Question

Q ; Do you date other races and religions ? What do you look for in a girl/guy ? - Anonymous 
( I found this question rather interesting , so i just had to post it here)

A : Well , lets just say race , was never an issue , when it came to relationships . wheres religion is a different story , well i would date any race , it doesn't matter actually  ,like i only date one race , nopes i don't believe in that , im pretty open to people , anyone , as long the feeling is mutual . I never had a specific type either , like he must look a certain way or dress a certain way   :)

As for what I look for ? PERSONALITY PERSONALITY PERSONALITY . Someone who just accept me for who I am , I talk alot , and well if that does not scare him off , then i just might :) ....  Bubbly , friendly , open to idea's . I really dont like those snobbish kind's . I'd rather have him talk the whole day , than just sitting there , awkward silence . Well im pretty over the whole , oh he must look this way or that way , as you grow , you realize that , there are more things to life than just looking good ;) As long he's decent , its fine with me :)

Well im not saying its wrong to appreciate appearance , but sometimes its the inner beuty that makes everything a whole lot better :)